Strange little bird

Listen.

This is a STRANGE little bird.

He looks at you…

…and you don’t know how to feel about it.

You ever been looked at by somebody and thought, “What in the world is wrong with ME!?”

That’s him.

And let me tell you something else:

HE UGLY.

He is so ugly, he’ll hurt your feelings.

Not your eyes.

Your FEELINGS.

You look at this bird and start questioning your own character.

You think, “Well… maybe I ain’t as good a person as I thought I was.

But I know for sure I ain’t no bird-person.”

And he don’t even have to say nothing.

He just sits there.

Looking.

Judging.

Then comes the chirping…

This bird CHIRPS.

Lord, does he chirp.

He chirps when he’s happy.
He chirps when he’s mad.
He chirps when he’s asleep.
He chirps when you’re trying to sleep.
He chirps when you’re trying to think.
He chirps when you ain’t thought about NOTHING BUT CHIRPING for 47 days and 47 nights.

Then he’ll chirp because he remembered something from 1997 and needs to tell somebody RIGHT NOW.

If you wake up in the morning, there he is:

CHIRP. CHIRP. CHIRP.

Good morning?

No!

GOOD MORNING TO YOU, YOU STRANGE LITTLE LOUD-MOUTH, NEVER-SHUTTING-UP MENACE!

And don’t let that innocent little face fool you.

That’s not innocence.

That’s a bird who’s got plans.

I don’t know what kind of plans.

…and I don’t wanna know.

I’m just trying to find him a good home before he starts charging me rent.

So if you’ve got a loving heart, are hard of hearing, and have absolutely no objection to being stared at like it’s Judgment Day and you standing there naked…

this may be the little “friend” you’ve been looking for.

He is strange.

He is ugly.

He is loud.

And, God help me…

he is annoying.

Serious inquiries only. 🐦